Save it for Later...

Well… it’s been another 4 months since I last posted something on the blog and you are probably all upset that I have not been updating and I am sorry that your poor sad lives all circle around my blog. However, I guess I am also kind of thrilled that there are people that actually care.

So apparently there are businesses that specialize in freezing people “alive.” You must have heard of this at some point in your life. Now the thing is that they are not really freezing people, they are “vitrificating” people… which basically means they are using an ice-free substance that replaces about 60% of the water in cells with chemical products, it keeps the cells from getting damaged and can be thawed to its original state.

Now why do ordinary people decide they want to be …vitrificated? Well most of them have terminal diseases like cancer and have up and decided to vitrificate themselves and hope that they will be thawed out in the future when cancer has been cured. Thing is… the scientists that are actually freezing the people – saying freezing from now on because vitrificate is too difficult to spell out…takes too much time to make sure I am typing the right letters – they do not even have a method of unfreezing the people. Because they do not just freeze the people… they take out all your blood and other bodily fluids that could be there and save them for later while pumping a preservative chemical throughout your veins.

Ah yeah…good wholesome preservatives that everyone is currently hating in our food will now be pumped through your veins in order to keep your body fit and trim until they have figured out a way to cure cancer and to dethaw you… fan-freakin’-tastic. I personally like my preservatives, boosts the immune system. Not the ones that make a can of tuna last for three years though… that’s just disturbing.

Now, if you want to go out and freeze yourself…that’s cool, don’t give a crap. However, why? You know it says on a website of a certain cryonics business that they do not put off death they reserve life. Which, is kind of a bunch of bullcrap because all these people have terminal diseases that will kill them if they decide not to go frozen or will stay lifeless in a tank until they find the cure to their disease or the method to defrost the people. So you can take the chance and stay 20, random age you can figure out you have cancer, get frozen for… a day because cancer will be cured tomorrow and people finally figure out how defrost you…or you get frozen for another say 50 years your kids are old an’ crippled while you’re still 20 and you get to go party out while celebrating that you got the cure for cancer.

And it can be a day, it could be 20 years it could be 50 years it could be another 200 years until people figure out how to cure cancer and defrost you… but don’t worry, your kids may be all dead and have great, great, great grand kids themselves, the end of the world is here… that or utopia finally perfected itself *cough*bullshit*cough cough*… and you can prance around and finally fulfill your life that you would have had if you hadn’t frozen yourself because of your disease to begin with.

People need to just randomly jump off cliffs at some point…just saying, we need more people jumping off cliffs.

Sorry if this wasn’t very sarcastic as the others… too long since I have done this, I’ll have to get back into the flow of blogging again. It’s a sad day when the Dictator Penguin Master can’t blog right.

Next! --> Piranhas ...The Perfect Pet

Cream Cheese & Your Bagels

Topic has been craved by the Almighty One... aka my sister who started this entire mess. Geez apparently me sarcastically ranting about random subjects such as cream cheese & gummi bears is more entertaining than sarcastically ranting about topics of the world today... interesting.

Anyway, cream cheese.

Cream cheese was discovered in 1755...said to be richer than other cheeses. Which is true. However in 1880 some schmuck decided to take this idea and put a tin foil covering around it hence making it different from the other guy's cream cheese because it was ...covered differently. Philly just failed then.

Interesting how plagirism has been the foundation of the entire American culture... yet we despise it so.

So Philly Cream Cheese came out with one flavor...plain...there was nothing added or subtracted from it! Awesome, but now there's 12 million flavors: Strawberry, Chives & Onion, Jammin' Swirls, Creme Swirls, Pineapple, 1/3 less fat, nonfat, list goes on. But I personally like the untouched original cream cheese, occasionally the strawberry but mainly plain.

What irks me the most is when someone, in this case Real Modern Life, telling me that I can't like the plain one! Why? Is there something wrong with that? No? Then stop bothering me! Sometimes people want to have ordinary days...mine includes ordinary cream cheese.

It's like going to Starschmucks and asking for plain black coffee, they look at you funny and go "Just plain? How 'bout some sugar? Or cream? Milk? Soy? Mocha Java Chip fat infested syrup? No? Oh...well here you go." And they hand you this tiny cup of coffee that isn't even worthy of the cups they serve their lattes and crap in. That's like... coffee discrimination! People should be allowed to order plain ordinary crap [even though black coffee sucks and is disgusting unless 12 lbs. of sugar is dumped into the mixture.]

People are discriminating against the plain stuff...look at the covers of the plain items! Uneventful...

Philly cream chese has nothing but the original boxing...which makes sense since it's original flavoring...but can't you put some lady that looks happy that she's eating plain cream cheese?

RML says, "That would be false advertising because no one is smiling and joyful when they're eating some plain cream cheese."

Shut up! Ruining my point...

Coffee at Starschmucks got the left over scrap styrafoam cup that no one wants!

Yogurt gets a white blotch!

I'm just saying...a country that doesn't believe in discrimination shouldn't discriminate about anything...period.

RML comments, "Yogurt, coffee, & cream cheese are inanimate objects...they don't feel anything."

True but the bacteria inside them are. Stop the discrimination against the bacteria!

Next!-->Save it for Later...

Video Games & Surgeons

Alright so in 2002 there was a study that was taken with 33 surgeons to see how video games impacted their surgical procedures. 18 actually played video games in the past, 9 of those were 3+ hours a week. All the surgeons were required to play 25 min of video games during the time of study... which was from May till August. They all made approximately 37% fewer mistakes, became 27% faster, and were considered to be 43% better surgeons overall.

So surgeons that played video games in the past are preferred because of their increased hand-eye coordination, accuracy, & problem solving skills. Now even the military is doing this because...you know when it comes to shooting people...you kinda want to be accurate.

However...even though this is all fine and dandy...I have one thing to say...

YOU DAMN HYPOCRITES!!

Majority of video games that increase hand-eye coordination, accuracy, & problem skills are either from war games [killin' the Germans and whatnot] or Grand Theft Auto [killin' the hookers and whatnot.] Don't we dislike these games because they give our youth the impression that going out and killing people is a good idea?

How many studies have there been now that video games also cause violence and aggression? Do we really want aggressive & anger prone surgeons performing on patients? Like I really appreciate an aggressive surgeon that will go on a rampage because the nurse looked at him the wrong way while I was going through... I don't know... a heart transplant or something.

And who is the most impressionable of our society? Our kids.

And who becomes our future surgeons? Yeah... apparently our future isn't that important. As if a few I don't know some hundred thousand people actually matter in our society. Do me a favor and go to China with your surgery... I think they will appreciate the population decrease.

And I say that because many games allow you to have unlimited or a certain number of lives or in this case mistakes while going through a procedure. I don't want someone going Operation on me and continuously hitting the buzzer just because he has so many tries. Yeah... "Oh sorry seems I've punctured your stomach and let out all your digestive acids out into your other vital organs...don't worry! I still have 1 life left!"

Great.

But again I totally agree about military personnel being preferred to have played video games more often. We need aggressive people in our military, aggression is good especially if your being shot at, can't go that far with a touchy feely army. Can you imagine the US Marines as peace loving push overs? Yeah Americans won't go that far with it.

"Don't shoot me! We should go through counseling and give hugs, hugs stir good hormones to give love & spread peace around the world man!" ...Bang! *Dies* Bang, bang! *Just because.*

And I'd be more concerned for our kids learning how to control the world through interacting with war games. It's a interesting way to capture a history lesson, but then they know good military techniques, what didn't work in the past, what makes a weak nation, common things too look out for in a revolt and how to practically become a Dictator. Nice. Eventually the Americans are going to be trying to fight the Japanese for world domination. I prophesied it first! You all heard it from me!

This has all been "scientifically proven" of course. Video games have been "scientifically proven" to cause aggression, "scientifically proven" to create better surgeons, "Scientifically proven" to be very impressionable on our youth.

I personally think that the government should make penguins play video games, we need more aggressive penguins. You know... to help them protect themselves better from the evil humans...and whatnot...stuff like that. *Cough* Dictator Penguins Rock *Cough Cough*

Note: I personally believe that video games don't cause violence and it is the environment in which a kid grows up in that will determine if he or she believes that the games are truthful or not. But people tend to blame video games more so than parents because it is the easier solution. And who in their right mind is going to criticize a parent? And their child? *Gag*

Next -->Cream Cheese & Your Bagels

Summer Fails...Jobs are Murder.

'Kay so this is what really irks me about getting a job. You know... Dao applied to 15 jobs over the summer, she got called once for an interview, everyone says they were impressed and that they'd call her since there were only 2 spots and only 2 people had applied.

No phone call.

Dao calls them, "Sorry you don't have the right type of experience we're looking for."

Couldn't say anything during the interview? Couldn't say "Sorry sounds like you don't fit what we're looking for." and certainly couldn't help to say "We are really impressed and we don't see why you shouldn't get the job."...No?

Dao went to a pet store for some experience to enhance the experience she already had. She has a cat, 3 dogs, and has cared for rats, hamsters, snakes and probably something else she can't think of. But not horses... not like you really need experience with horses to work at a pet store that sells dogs and cats only. And of course she didn't get that job 'cause she doesn't have retail experience.

That's another thing that gets to me is when some people want experienced workers... don't want to look after a new person that knows nothing about a cash register. Too much work, too much effort. Well if no one is going to be adventurous and train the newbie persons then there are no longer any experienced workers. Your business fails...sorry, no pity, it's your fault.

We newbies need training too! We are your future after all... of course that must not really matter.

Oh and no one should say "We're always hiring" and then never call anyone. That's just cruel and you deserve to be given millions of paper cuts from all the applications and resumes you should have read through.

Eh...ran out of things to complain about... Sorry for the delay! It's only been 3 months I'm sure my typing text doesn't run your world. Or at least I hope not.

Next!-->Video Games & Surgeons

Dorks & Dragons: Breeding Privileges for Nerds?

Yes I know... weird title but I couldn't help it. Truth be told, I love nerds... and I love geeks... they make the world interesting and... you know... keep spinning.

However, there are some geeks that just... shouldn't breed for the sake of humanity's sanity... totally didn't mean to have word rhyme there. But yeah! The geeks that take Dungeons & Dragons way too seriously...like Larpers, should not breed.

Actually I think they will be too disturbed or freaked out by the actual processes of breeding. And once the process is over and done with by some random form of unknown chemical & psychological magic, they'll be treating their little darling as a Rogue Nightelf on the search for the sword of Azeroth or something like that.

Lv 1 Human...
3 stength: Babies are strong! Especially when they pull hair...and when they cry it's a high pitched frequency that just has to knock you unconscious.
1 defense: Let's face it...they can't do anything to defend themselves but cry
1 magic: Babies are magical, they pop out of no where, they disappear...they somehow manage to always make me laugh even though they're really annoying at the same time.
...0 life: Ah! The thought of it is painful...

Oh and I apologize for this, it's short, it's boring, I had no idea what to write about so...I'm sorry.

Next!-->Summer Fails...Jobs are Murder.

Sadism & Gummi Bears.

Gummi bears are freakin' awesome, they're yummy, gummy [no shit] and you get satisfaction from slowly torturing the false life out of some poor defenseless animal... which in fact is not really defenseless in real life.

Note to future self that lamely decides to reminisce on humorous drawings and sarcastic blogs of your past college experiences:

Don't try to attack a bear...it will kill you! Especially since you suck so badly at climbing trees at a frantic speed.

But hell think of it... I'd bet my entire...uhm...hal- no...one of my penguins from my penguin collection, that there is not one person that does not:

(1) Put gummi bears into awkward positions. ['Cause frankly it's just too easy]
(2) Find great humor in biting off the head or lower half of the gummi or
(3) Find it artistic to create a gummi bear orgy or gummi bear murder/killing scene.

Now, not even I have done all of these but I do indeed find it entertaining to just buy a bag of gummi bears then start to slowly and painfully pull them apart. You can stretch them, flatten them, pull them apart, slowly chew them... it's just fun.

I know it is a food product and all but...with all the sadism that is poured into eating gummi bears, you'd think that the animal rights activists would have a field day with it!

"This is just a substitute to replace violence of real animals onto a false look-alike of gummi animals! It is cruel and unusual and stats. show that over 'blah' percent of the population finds sadism and gummi bears to be entertaining!"

I think it's a good thing...it saves real bears from being abused, and stupid people that think attacking a bear is fun. Wait...*forms a balance with hands* lesser stupid people & no gummi bears...or more stupid people with yummy gummies?

Damn.

Next!-->Dorks & Dragons, Breeding Privileges for Nerds?

College Welfare! Woot!

There should be Welfare for college students... and I mean all college students. I mean... are we not broke? Are we not stereotyped as poor? Sure a good majority of students are paid for by their parents, but what if tuition is all that the parents pay for? What about food? Housing? Books? No? We're not poor enough?

Damn.

Well, it doesn't matter... every single person knows that welfare sucks. Even the people that use it, I mean... if it didn't suck then they wouldn't be getting 52" plasma screen tvs in every room because of the 12 children they have.

I want welfare, I want to be able to buy a new tv, iPod...maybe even an iPhone since it is completely useless when it comes to battery capacity... but it isn't my money so why should I care, right? Hell I'll buy a new desktop computer, flat screen, make it the most videogame compatible computer alive! My own library of videogames...3 shelves that reach from floor to ceiling! I'll own every Mercedes Lackey book ever created...I'll adopt my own penguin. I'll make a kitty farm...or a puppy farm, I'm tied between the two. Maybe I'll open my own penguin farm!

Yeah that's it, my own penguin farm...well it own't really be a farm...more like a secret government training facility to create the ultimate penguin that will do what you say, become the perfect pet, seem to be the most docile creature ever bred...

Of course that is until I later revolt with the new found super penguin army and take over the world! But you all don't know that *evil glare*.

Next!-->Sadism & Gummi Bears.